Back from "normal"

As the two weeks have come to the close I am going back to regularly scheduled program. By regular I mean the same thing as when Greys Anatomy was on Hiatus for "discussions" or like the wonderous lipstick jungle that was out for a total of one short season. They are a dream when they run, however when the show goes off the air, you find yourself wanting to know what the cliffhanger will lead to. Maybe that's what the television networks want. We as the watcher of TV feel we NEED to know what happens to Meridith and McDreamy, when we should look to our left and see whats going on with our hot husbands.

SW being home was a mini drama, fun filled with VEGAS (so not a normal trip), new TV, time share, bluray, no work for B. He's gone now back to ACSOTN, I will be back to work on Tuesday taking angry calls from whom ever. It seems strange to me that SW being gone and me being home alone is what we consider "normal". I don't feel normal, I don't think that I have been acting normal. It felt so normal to have him here, arms around me and that SMILE. It has been the first non stress best sleep, no hair pulling great "normal" time I've had. I remembered why I live like I do. I also have forgotten in this short 2 weeks how I was coping before.

This is my main questions, what the hell was going on in my head before? How was I coping? What can I do to make this missing feeling I have? I hope it doesn't take 4 months for this shiz to go away...I'm tired I don't even know if this thing makes sense...sleep B sleep.

Garble

Yesterday I received a text from a friend that said "having hapies"....first thought on that was huh? After further investigation what she was asking is if I was making "happy memories to get you through the next stretch". I am, I have began to thing that it may make things harder. Knowing what I know now and being around SW for so long and getting used to him being home as well as not working, since I took so much time off.
One of my biggest fears of SW being gone was the doubt I had that I could remember the love I have for him. I never should have doubted that. Its funny I look at him and watch him and love him more and more. Good God that smile is the best thing in the world. We had so much fun and we do every day, regardless of the task. We go shopping and have fun. We can clean and have fun. It is so funny to me the things SW does when he's home. I have not unpack the closet in the house, first thing SW did when he got here. He unpacked it. I was down stairs doing what ever probably watching TV (yeah we got it like that, don't need to be in the same room to enjoy one another). I went upstairs to "check in" and he said oh come look at this...Brings me to the closet and he had unpacked the boxes and laid all the shoes out on the floor all neat and organized. I turn and look...there it is BIG ass cheese of a grin. I love it!
He and I have talked not deep conversations like we did before he left but we have talked. He knows I'm not as psycho on the army stuff any more. It took a lot and some crazy hair pulling but I'm over it. This is my life now and I'm in 100% confidence that SW will make the right decision in his career. Sometimes I need to know that its OK to hand the reins over to him.
This R&R has given me time to realize SW and I are so stinking lucky. I love him and I really couldn't be happier.

you know

Last night

Last night when I got into bed SW was there obviously since he's home. It makes me think of those crazy little things I miss when he's gone. Laying in bed I thought wow this is the best. My legs tangled in his feet, backwards spooking and his arm under my head my hand under and around the pillow and his arm. That right there is the best position in the world. I miss that. I haven't had to sleep with ear plugs in what seems like years...but I miss that too. I miss hearing him upstairs (even though we just moved before he left) banging around. I love not having to be the one to make decisions. Today for instance we bought us a brand new TV, SW picked it out, he haggled the price. He is putting it together. He put together my book shelf...

He is a good good man. He's up stairs right now putting the new TV onto the wall.

Last week we went to Vegas. It was a blast, spent way to much money...but he was home (if Vegas was home, we did buy a timeshare but that's besides the point). I spent way to much money...did taxes too (its a good thing though since he needed to sign them to get our money). We also talked about BM, I'm slightly disappointed that we didn't get there. Pretty close but didn't. Its crappy that his leave is filled with life stuff...although at this point I'm liking the day to day with him home.

Yesterday we went to dinner with a group of friends and family. It still amazes me everyday the amount of support he has. Kinda dumb but K and R didn't come...they seem to be flaking on just about every couple thing we do lately. Why do friends to that? Or are they really friends?

OK off to check on the TV progress and my wonderous husband!

The best silence

I spoke with SW yesterday afternoon. It was a short call less then 30 minutes. His plane has been postponed so he's flying out later then he though...said it was probably like 12 hours later. It works well for our plans but I'm super excited for his homecoming. I'm kind of nervous for it too. I got like this when he was at NTC too. We work well together though. The house is so different from when he left. I mean that's obvious just because he left 10 days after we got into it. I know that he'll be slightly shocked with the changed. They aren't that much in my end of things its just that with the small change it makes a big difference. I did though not do anything I wasn't supposed to when he was gone. I didn't buy any baby stuff for us. I bought baby things for other people but not me! I'm proud because it was pretty hard. If the BM goes well I will actually be very tempted for the remaining deployment.





So my parents who have been staying here since SW has been gone are supposed to be moving out...thank the lord! I'm slightly over the shared space concept. I'd like my house and freedom back. I feel like I can't do anything I want when they are here. I end up in my bedroom on the lap top watching TV. Right now I'd love to be cleaning the house because my husband can't know just how sloppy I am. That's kinda a joke but really I should clean. Its more my bathroom. Its kinda sticky...so that sounds kind of gross but its only from the spray I put in my hair. It gets on the counters and then makes it sticky. So that needs to be wiped down. I also need to vacuum and magic mop the down stairs floor. My parents are supposed to be out on Tuesday so I don't want to mop tomorrow. I will however vacuum and clean my bathroom tomorrow, or tonight, I haven't decided yet. I'm thinking since its already 11 it may be a chore I do tomorrow. I'm also supposed to go shopping tomorrow with friends. Its not really even something I want to do any more. My friend K had a flipping bitch fest about me going shopping last week on Thursday with someone else even though we had plans to go tomorrow. It's like a freaking child to say you don't want me shopping with someone else. I was very open to going shopping with her tomorrow but her comment was slightly rude. Sometimes I feel like its a friendship of convenience not a true one. If you call only when you want something its annoying. She and R were supposed to go to LV with SW and I but they have bailed again. I'm to the point where I feel like SW and I need new couple friends. I mean single folks are OK but couple people are hard to find. I want double dates and stuff. I feel like we don't have people like that. Wait that's not true I have CB and AD but then I've never met AD. CB is awesome though. We have good times.



Its hard to grow up. I feel like a kid, like I've regressed. My freedoms are around so much but are limited at the same time. Friendships are never standing strong. I feel like its all selfish and never selfless. Maybe I think of myself to highly but I am feeling my friends are not giving up anything when I put forth so much. I would never ask for anything that I wouldn't do in return but lately it seems like my financial freedom has started to come in between my friends. I want to do things, they have no money...when I had none, no one ever offered to pitch in and help. I think I'm going to go back to the cheap ways I used too. Like today I bought a 4 year old diamond earrings...maybe I'm doing to much. Maybe I need to only spend on me. I'm tired of this one way street of hell..



SW needs to get to the phone soon...its good to know that the silence is because of him flying home but man that's the biggest issue I have in the deployment. When I need to speak with him I can't just pick up a phone and dial a number. I have to remember what I want to say when he calls...then I don't want to bitch to him because I get 30 minutes and I'm not going to spend that time whining.



Come home soon SW your wife needs you!

One week

My husband is supposed to be coming home in a week...a week! It slightly feels surreal. I'm in shock slightly. I really haven't been broadcasting it to people...well I can't really say that I mean people know, but not because I have just volunteered the information, but because they ask..."oh so whens he coming home?". As bad as it is I kind of want to wait another week. Well its more like another 4 days. It makes the timing so much better. But oh well.

This R&R is going to be wonderous, which probably means everything will go up in flames. Like the massive planning I have made is going to go into the shitter because I've PLANNED. I mean its the army we're talking about so we know that when it all seems to be going according to plan something happens to make it horrible. I will not think about this I will only think of the good. Lets see...

I have 3 weeks off from work, that and every Friday and Monday in Feb off...meaning that when I at the last minute need to take Tuesday through Thursday off...I'll get the damn thing. Take that bitches. (I may still be slighted on the wedding day issues from work) So if he should be home in a week and I have somehow gotten the exact time frame he is coming home off...he's either coming early, or he's coming late...or not at all, but that's not going to happen.

I'm hoping that BM will be successful. I've ordered this junk on the net that is supposed to help. Who knows its lame I know to think that this two week period with some how work in my favor with timing...but I doubt it. We are going to Vegas though...I'm thinking I need to tan because I'm so stinking white at the moment and its making me break out...its the winter weather here in the PNW. I'm thinking next duty station is going to be in the heat...but then I'd probably have something else to complain about.

Oh lord I've done it again. I'm stressing. I started doing yoga so that my stress levels would go down. So far it has been working in my favor but my O is beginning this week meaning that the crazy is creeping back in...

God I hope the R&R goes well and BM is successful. I hope its successful for KW and RW too...

Phone never rings

Now this might seem like I'm speaking of SW but I'm not. I work for...well I work from home mainlly taking calls. Most days its a wall of calls back to back even. Today and really most of yesterday, I had nothing. I sat on the phone with no calls for 45 minutes yesterday night...thats really not normal. Most days I will have at least 4 or so at the end of the day. Right now I've been "at" work for an hour and 5 minutes...not one call. I did take a 3 minute pee break but still this is crazy. The beginning of the day normally warrents at least a call surge with no more then 30 seconds between them.

Now this all wouldn't bother me if it wasn't for me working at home...so I don't have co workers around to ask if they are getting the same situation. I have my cell so I could text them...though I'd enjoy nnot getting calls for a while, and the system says I'm logged in so I'm not bringing to any ones attention the lack of call volume. OH oh a call...YAY